so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize