I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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