You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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