There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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