When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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