I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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