I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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