She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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