boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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