I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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