Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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