i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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