break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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