1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
