Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
