An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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