lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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