there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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