jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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