plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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