His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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