We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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