So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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