In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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