Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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