im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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