I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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