He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize