it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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