I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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