i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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