when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize