I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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