Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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