He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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