Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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