you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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