If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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