The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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