I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize