How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize