I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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