just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize