I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
