If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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