I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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