the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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