I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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