The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize