Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize