As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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