Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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